I’m sure you’ve heard it said that “it’s the little things that count,” or “the devil’s in the details.” I’ve got another one, hang on, the wheels can’t move without the engine and all of the tiny little parts working together with the proper fuel and function.
Ok… enough analogies for you? The parenting books people seek out to help them with their big problems end up giving a profusion of tiny detailed tasks to conquer in baby steps. For a get-it-done type who is also impatient, this has always frustrated me. How the napkin is folded does not concern me, the fact that everyone has access to one is all that matters to a personality like mine. Details suffocate me sometimes, they do.
However…
Yesterday, I suffocated the devil with my own details! Are you sufficiently confused? Here are a few small things I paid close attention to that helped more than any large use of might ever could: sleep, asking questions instead of barking orders and options instead of a list. The biggest small detail was SLEEP!
Seems like a no-brainer you say? Well, as a sleep deprived mother, my brain was in need of this small detail just as much as my spirited child! I had been staying up late, attempting to be super-mom, and sleeping very little. I don’t know about you, but I’m a terrible mother when I haven’t slept well. Terrible. I go from being a pretty cool mom who laughs and plays to a snarky, selfish teenager with no attention span, who is also a bully. It’s weird. I’m not sure who your sleep deprived alter ego is, but I’m sure someone can tell you.
According to the sleepfoundation.org my youngest daughter needs between 12-18 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period and my 6 year old needs around 10-11 hours of sleep! I have to tell you that my older daughter stopped taking naps at 11 months old. (She’s the spirited one). So, now she’s 6 years old and she HATES going to bed, where my 1.5 year old grabs her blankie and starts sucking on her fingers around 7:30 every night like clockwork. Davi (6) would be put to bed around 8pm, but would not sleep until 9:30 at the earliest, and she would also wake up in the night (almost every night) for various reasons. I had to come up with something.
First tiny detail: moved bedtime up by 30 minutes. I have alarms set on my phone with certain songs and tunes, so when the girls hear them, Davi will say, “oh! bath time!” Second tiny detail: wake her up 30 minutes earlier. Third tiny detail: move music time to the first activity of the day from the forced and painful after school activity.
Here’s how it worked out…
Right after dinner, both girls are thrown in the tub (let’s face it, kids are smelly). Davi was given a choice to either bathe at night or in the morning after music. Strategic play on my part, I knew she’d pick the morning and water wakes her up. *PAY ATTENTION* Some children are stimulated by water! Some kids are relaxed by a nice, warm bath, some are stimulated and fired up by it. Find out which category yours falls under and your tiny detail might make a huge difference. Davi hates the way shampoo bubbles feel, and she is overly agitated by having her hair get wet (unless she’s swimming). I had Davi in the tub just to rinse off the stink of the day before bed.
After a few stories in a couple of chapter books (chapter books have fewer pictures and your voice might relax your wild card) Davi Belle’s eyelids were begging to close.
When I woke her up 30 minutes earlier she was eager to get up and get to it, since it was her choice to do music in the morning! She loves music. L-O-V-E-S. Music in the afternoons was feeling more like torture for some reason. It took me a while to figure it out, but she was maxed out on her sitting still quota for the day, and focusing on little notes on a page was like needles in her eyes. I offered her a choice, music in the morning before we start the day, music right after school, or music after dinner. She knew herself well enough to know that first thing in the morning was best.
Give your kids choices… it works out and they feel like they have some control over what happens to them. Example: do you want to get in the bath now, or in eight minutes? Either way they get a bath.
I scoff at details (I’m a fool) but it really is the little things that make the bigger things so much easier. Does your routine need some tweeking? Do your minions need to feel more autonomous?
As far as little things go… I’m a fan. It’s the little things we’ll remember when they’re off to college or to Europe to study art, or whatever. It will be those little tiny moments that we will hold on to so tightly after we can no longer hold on to the moment makers themselves. I love my little things.
PS, Daphne (the littlest of the little things) said, “wuv yeeeoo” to me for the first time today. I’ll have that little thing in my head all day tomorrow! Go enjoy your little things while you still can!
stumblemom08 